Stop looking at the neighbor's yard and water your own damn grass

I know, not a typical title for me. Not girly (but still sassy), here is the point: Sure, the grass might be greener on the otherside... but wouldn't we be happy with our own yard if we stopped comparing? Maybe if we spent more time watering our yard and less time peering over the fence (I picture Wilson from Home Improvement), then the grass would be greener on our side. And if we stopped comparing, we might be happy with our green just the way it is.

I wonder if any of you follow.

A study at Warton Business school stated that people would rather make $50,000 when their friends are making $25,000 than make $100,000 when their friends are making $250,000. Are we really that concerned about comparing ourselves to others? (Yes) And is it really necessary to wish for success compared to the people (our friends) who are supposed to accept us for who we are? Perhaps, if we changed our mindset we would be happier by comparing less. I'm not saying this is easy, but shouldn't we at least try? I think being aware of it is the first step.

My friend Ashlyn has the cutest wardrobe. I am talking designer, matching, put together, fashionable items. There are days that her hair is perfectly curled while mine is airdrying with the windows down on the way to work (don't pretend you haven't tried that move - and if you haven't? You so should!). Her shoes match her her clothes perfectly, while I am sometimes hoping that I am not wearing one black and one navy. (Okay, I'm not that bad, but just go with me). I will never be completely satisfied with my wardrobe if I compare myself to Ashlyn. Yes, I could try waking up 15 minutes earlier.. but lets be honest. But really, she doesn't care what I am wearing, and neither does my predominately male team. If I don't compare, my happiness goes up. (Or better yet, take myself on a shopping spree!)

Same thing goes for non-material situations. There was a day in HighSchool that I told my mom I was worried I wouldn't get into college. This wasn't because I was "dumb". I was in all honors classes. My problem was that I was comparing myself to students who were also overachievers and found myself mediocre in comparison. Compare less, study harder, and I would be just fine.

How many other times do I compare my work to the work of coworkers? Or compare my apartment to the apartment of my friend's? How can I turn all of this external focus inward and actually improve the one that matters?
1. Awareness. Okay, I am done taking notes from Wilson. Do we even know what that guy looks like anyways?
2. Water your own grass. Focus on my "yard" or wardrobe or work and stop caring about others. When noticing that focus changes, change it back
3. Focus on your strengths. My body type couldn't pull off half the stuff Ashlyn wears anyways!
4. Don't knock other's down. Why wish your friends made less than you? Shouldn't you be secure enough to want others to succeed as well?
5. I really want a 5th - any suggestions?

Do one thing just for you

Tell me if this sounds like you:
You wake up late for work. Hurry to work. Stay late because, well, we are young and have to put our time in. Come home. Pay the credit card. Run to the store for a birthday card/or more mascara/or "team snacks"/or milk or basically anything. Pretend that you are going to work out that night, but decide against it (typical). Call your mom. Turn on the TV. Pass out on the couch. Repeat.

Welcome to my life during a busy week. And aren't many weeks busy?

Once we grow up and get married and have kids I can only imagine (and as I have heard) that you have less "me" time. Less time to do what we really want to do. Or something that just makes us happy. I think it would be good to get in the habit now of finding something that I do JUST for me, and not for my parents or my friends or my coworkers.

I spend alot of time doing things for other people (that makes me happy) and I am sure most of us do. But shouldn't we make an effort to make time in our super busy lives for just ONE thing for "me"? The importance of having a "me" thing is not just for selfish reasons but mental sanity.

For me? It is writing this blog. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter if no one really reads this post. It gives me a chance to get my thoughts out there and on paper and have a moment to do what I love to do (write). For you? It could be that step class that you love going to. Or getting your nails done. Or taking a bath. Figure out what it is and do it. (That's my challenge - accept it if you please).

Time is Precious

One thing I have learned working in the real world? Time is precious. Where does the time go? And how do I get more "fun" time?

Yes, there are 168 hours in a week and that sure sounds like alot. Well, until you break it down. You spend roughly  1/3 of those hours working and another 1/3 of those hours sleeping (unless you are one of those lucky human beings who only need 5 hours to operate - there is barely enough coffee in the office to allow me weeks on end of only 5 hours a night...) That leaves you a 1/3rd of your time to do laundry, run errands, go to the grocery store, shower (its important) and get ready, commute to work... and you get the picture.

So what is the solution? We can't quit our jobs (well, I guess we can, but I am not recommending that one), We can't cut down on sleep (again, not my recommendation), We can't exactly stop time (but if you know how to, PLEASE let me know your tricks). All we can do is learn how to use our time more efficiently so that we have more "fun" and less "chore" time.

(1) Make lists. Same as the sticky note concept. If you write down what you need to do, you wont have to constantly be thinking about it to remember it. It frees up your mind to work effectively while at work or out with friends. If you write down what you need to do, you won't forget the important items. Along the same lines, if you make lists for the week you can avoid doing the same task twice. If you figure out meals for the entire week on Sunday, you can only have to go to the grocery store once a week rather than every other night.

(2) Prioritize. Not everything can be done today (and not everything will be done today). Figure out what is a HAVE to do and what is a want to do. You might have to iron your pants for work tomorrow, but you can hold off on washing your sheets two more nights.

(3) Do it now. I can't think of how many "productive sundays" I have laid in bed for an hour longer just thinking about what I needed to do that day.... and then crawled on my couch to watch a quit movie.. you know, to "wake up". By then a friend might call, and of course I would love to go shopping/lunch/movie/just about anything but be productive. Suddenly it is 10pm and I haven't even started my to-do list. Oh procrastination... you were my friend in college, but in the real world? I just don't have time for you anymore.

(4) Time Chunk. Let's say my room is a mess. I am one of those people who will start to straighten it, then take a shower, then straighten some more, then make a phone call, then maybe pick up one more thing, then run to the store. I am most productive when I put a few songs on grooveshark and say "I am going to clean until these three songs are done." The task is literally almost always done.... and in 1/4 of the time. Focus on what you are doing, and the job gets done.

(5) Combine certain tasks. This sounds like it contradicts (4), but stick with me. Some "chores" can be done while doing something you have to do anyways (stick with me while I try to explain). Let's say I am walking to lunch to meet a friend. While I walk, I might as well call the front office to fix a leaky facet. Or (by making lists) I can prepare ahead of time so that I am taking my checks to the ATM inside the grocery store rather than making a separate trip to the bank later. Simple, yet effective. (Also sometimes easier said than done for my frazzled self)

(6) Find your optimal productivity-time. My friend Kelly will get up at 5am (yes, that sounds painful to me too) to do chores and work out before work. She has 3 additional hours every morning that I snooze through. She claims that after work she is absolutely unproductive. As for me? I would rather run my errands on the way home from work than pull myself out of my bed a moment before I absolutely must. Figure out what works for you and live by it.

(7) Step away from the computer. (after you read my posts of course!) I can be completely ready to go to bed and then spend 2 hours surfing blogs, chatting with friends, responding to emails, reading celebrity news (guilty pleasure, don't judge), etc. 2 hours! I would rather spend that time working out, meeting up with friends, getting a good night sleep. And those 2 hours sure do add up overtime. If might be the TV for you, or rockband, or another time eating vice.

These tricks might not work for everyone. And if you are one of those people who already have a great system? please share with me! It is a never ending struggle for me... find more time so I can "play" more and "work" less.

Don't hate your commute, Embrace it!

I am pretty sure no one would argue that Oprah isn't a pretty smart lady (let's face it, she has the most successful talk show, her own magazine, extreme wealth, a good reputation, and definitely a household name). I would have said that she tends to speak more to our mother's generation. (Isn't it funny how suddenly you reach your twenties and your parent's generation isn't so dumb anymore?) BUT A great point that Oprah made on her show is that more people hate their commute than hate their jobs when it really comes down to it. Interesting, since most people I know aren't exactly ecstatic about working.

Does this apply to our generation? Absolutely. This applies to my friend who has to drive an hour north to go to grad classes 2 days a week. Or my coworkers who got assigned to a client 45 minutes away. This applies to all the people I know (and see) stuck on the interstate trying to make it to work by 8.

So what? Is the solution to move? Well, maybe, if you live in an apartment and feel like you would be happier closer to the office. But that can be a bit drastic (especially if you are only on a client for a few months, or commute a couple days a week). Maybe instead we should just learn to embrace the commute.

I was talking to my friend Emily who was less than thrilled about her drive when this idea came to me. We started brainstorming ideas to make her commute something to look forward to. Here are my ideas:

1. Connect with old friends. No, I am not saying that you should text and drive. But so many cars have hands free devices built in anyways that its a shame to waste good technology. Haven't you ever had a meal with a friend where 3 hours feels like only 10 minutes. Apply this concept to driving. Bam! You are at your destination!
2. Plan your day. This is such a good time to think about your to-do list. Figure out when you will be getting things done, and get prepared and mentally ready for the day.
3. Jam out to your favorite playlist. When else do you get to listen to your favorite songs? Sure maybe if you go for a run, but this gives you the same opportunity without the pain and suffering.
4. Learn something new. There are so many books on tape, why not learn something you've always wanted to learn? Maybe a new language? or just some new skill? Improve yourself and take the time for yourself to actually grow.
5. Relax. Really. Road rage is a state of mind. Instead of being frustrated in traffic, think of it as some extra time that you get to spend by yourself. You have no other obligations at the moment and can purely relax and spend some quality "ME" time!

Did this work for Emily? Yes. Does it work all the time? Eh, I'm sure it doesn't. But its worth a shot right?

Let me know if the theory works for you. What do you do to embrace your commute?

Silence is Golden

For the first time in my life I am finally able to relate to that grumpy old cat lady. (except I don't have any cats and I am really not that old) Maybe it is part of growing up and having a job?

My neighbor likes to play loud angry music (if you can call it music). It has more base than I thought possible since it literally shakes my walls. She plays it ALL. THE. TIME. I am guessing that the reason she plays it so loud is probably because she lost more of her hearing last Tuesday when she also choose to play it at 11:30pm. Being the adult that I am, I used to bang against the wall to let her know that I can hear her music. There have even been two times when I called the apartment complex to have them send up the apartment's "cop" to tell her to quiet down. A few weeks ago I decided to woman up and go over there to talk to her. The second I banged on the wall the music instantly went off. Mission completed. Having solved the problem, I went back to my room. Since then I have knocked on her door twice to get the music to shut off.

Yesterday was one of those days. I was in my PJs and glasses and so had no intention of talking to her. I banged on the door and retreated back to my room. She comes out into the hall and screams "WHO THE F BANGED ON MY DOOR!? WHAT THE F! DONT F*ING BANG ON MY DOOR!" (of course she did not just say "f") I did NOT confront her. She seemed very mad, dangerous, and she listens to angry music, so who knows what she is capable of! (I instead tippytoed to my door and double-locked it. coward, I know)

Actual thoughts that crossed my mind on how to solve the problem:
1. Talk to my apartment complex and make sure shes not living next to me before I resign.
2. Hang a printed sign on her door that says "Silence is Golden"
3. Find a police outfit and just go over there myself and talk to her everytime the music comes on (yes, this would be hard to pull off- what kind of black clunky shoes do they even wear?)
4. Vaseline her door knob- maybe she will be so annoyed she will move (I wont actually do this one either, but it sounds so good in theory)
5. A coworker suggested writing a fake letter from the apartment complex that asks her to keep the noise down. I think there is probably a law against that, but he seemed to think that it might actually shut her up.

Any ideas? Surely she must not have a job? Is there something else I can do that is alittle more practical than options 2-5? Someone must have dealt with this before... I am looking for creative ideas!

Stress at work: Why aren't there support groups for this?

Okay, so there actually are support groups for this.. but then, who has time to join a support group?

I must have the most stressful job in the world (Or so I thought). I am an accountant. We are about to start "busy season" (we have a NAME for it?) where we will be working late hours (so what do you call the last 6 months?). Don't worry, we are ramping up into busy season (and ramping down my social life...).

Then I took a look at my closest girlfriends. The marketing major who has late nights preparing for a huge presentation for to a CEO. The first year teacher who stays up late with lesson plans and deals with disciplining highschoolers all day. The fitness instructor who is thrown into coordinating 6am bootcamps and has to cover weekend shifts. Welcome to the real world- where stress is the only common denominator.

We are going to have stress. The goal should be managing how we deal with it.

Unhealthy ways to deal with stress? smoking, drinking, overeating, undereating, making voodoo dolls of our bosses, taking it out on friends (who wont be friends much longer), turning to retail therapy (that diminishing bank account will just cause more stress).

Healthy ways to deal with stress?
1. Say No- Find your limit and don't take on more than you can handle.
2. When number 1 doesn't work? Make a to-do list. prioritize. and then tackle just one task at a time.
3. Exercise- They say it releases that endorphin that makes you happy. I say it keeps you for getting fat, which just adds another thing to stress you out. Besides, a good kickboxing class while envisioning your boss just might be the trick.
4. Eat well- "Feed the brain so it can work" & "Start the day with a good breakfast". Why is it that suddenly you get into the real world and you realize the lessons your mom taught you growing up were right all along?
5. Get some sleep- These ideas sound so obvious, but they are easier said than done. The days that I get more sleep? I tend to handle situations better.

And when all else fails? Take a personal day.

What do you do when you are stressed at work? Trust me... I'm open for suggestions!