Bridesmaids: The User Manual

I have not been able to blog recently. Because, well, it is wedding season. Which got me thinking…..

There are so many bride’s blogs and magazines out there, but there really are not nearly enough “bridesmaid” guides. And let’s be honest, when you are a bride you can do whatever you want because “It is YOUR wedding” but when you are a bridesmaid? Well, you do what you are supposed to do because it is NOT your wedding.  But what is it that you are supposed to do exactly? And really, you are going to be a bridesmaid way more times than you are going to be a bride in your 20s and 30s (or at least let’s hope so). 

I am not going to pretend that I know everything about being a bridesmaid, but I am going to put together a list of useful tips that I have learned in my 20s that just might help others out there.

1. Never, ever, ever wear white. Or off white. Or really light pink for that matter. Don’t you have a bold color in your wardrobe? This goes for showers, rehearsal dinners, engagement parties, etc. Actually, just forget that those light pastel colors don’t even exist. You never want to compete with the bride or have the other bridesmaid talking about you behind your back.

2. This is not your day. Do not cause drama. Do not make any part of this about you. Infact, I even prefer the maid of honor (etc) speeches where they don’t drone on about how they are besties with the bride. This isn’t about you either maid of honor.

3. Always thank the parents. They paid anyways.

4.  Wear something that is “adult friendly”. I am going to quote a grandmother at a recent shower I went to (not to me, thankfully). “Honey, is does that skirt have wheels, because it sure keeps riding up”.

5.   Do not ever out dress the bride. Keep your glitter and sequence at home.

6. If the bride says dance (even if it is in a choreographed dance) do it. And do it well. Even if you suck at dancing (likes yours truly)

7.  Stay calm. The bride will be stressed out enough. If you have a tendency to be a drama queen (most of us do) pretend that you don’t. Never scream or use loud voices on the wedding day until there is a fire or someone is bleeding (and I am not talking about a paper cut).

8. Buy them something off the registry. That is what they wanted anyways. OR (my personal favorite) buy them a gift card for the place the registered. That way they can get whatever is left on the registry that they REALLY wanted. And you know they like the store. Who wants that 5^th napkin ring when they could use your money towards the crock pot they wanted. Sure, it is not “personal”, but do you really want your friends to remember you every time they use that napkin ring? Or do you want them to think of you as that awesome/fun friend that you are.

9. If you run out of shower ideas (since you cant get them a gift card for that) personalize something. Everyone likes something with their name on it.

10. Always RSVP to stuff. People our parents age really appreciate when people RSVP. People our age always seem to forget. (especially if it is a phone number to call – who talks on the phone these days anyways?)

11. Dance at the party. The bride wants people to have a good time. And you will get other people on the floor if you dance. You don’t even have to be good – just white girl wedding dance.

12. Only bring a date if you are seriously dating someone or if you would not know many people otherwise. No guy wants to go on an early-on date to a wedding anyways. Why make your friends pay for an extra plate if they don’t need to? If you are in the wedding it means that the guy would spend all day by himself anyways.

13. There is always going to be “that bridesmaid”. Suck it up – they don’t have to be your friend at the end of the wedding. I am not referring to anyone specifically because there is literally one at every wedding. (If you don’t think there is one in the group of bridesmaids… well, it is probably you then, and you should tone it down… or take a zanex)

14. If the bride’s hair is messed up? Fix it. Don’t just say “oh you look great”. She is going to have to look at those pictures the rest of her life and if there is a hair in her face – it is your job as a true friend to fix it.

15. Bring tide-to-go. Worst case scenario, look for bleach in a bathroom cleaner at the church/reception/etc.

16. Buy those comfy pads for your shoes. Worth the investment. And don’t lock your knees. Eat something the day of the wedding. (you wont look that much “thinner” if you skip the meal anyways). Make sure your spanx are not too tight – you want to breathe to prevent passing out.

17. Don’t stuff your bra with tissues. Did you really think you would reach down your dress while standing on stage if you start to cry? If you feel like you are going to cry – open your eyes really wide. Or simply wipe with your hands. Or think of things that don’t make you cry.

18. Just because the alcohol is free doesn’t mean you should drink until you vomit. Never be that girl.

19. Remember all the stuff like “don’t cut the bows” and “save them for a rehearsal bouquet” and the “something borrowered something blue”. At the end of the day, the bride will be thankful since she has enough on her plate to remember.

Brides and Bridesmaids - I would LOVE to hear any additions you have to this list (especially since I stopped awkwardly at #19) - Or comments, because... not every thing on this list will apply to bride/situation.