Stop looking at the neighbor's yard and water your own damn grass

I know, not a typical title for me. Not girly (but still sassy), here is the point: Sure, the grass might be greener on the otherside... but wouldn't we be happy with our own yard if we stopped comparing? Maybe if we spent more time watering our yard and less time peering over the fence (I picture Wilson from Home Improvement), then the grass would be greener on our side. And if we stopped comparing, we might be happy with our green just the way it is.

I wonder if any of you follow.

A study at Warton Business school stated that people would rather make $50,000 when their friends are making $25,000 than make $100,000 when their friends are making $250,000. Are we really that concerned about comparing ourselves to others? (Yes) And is it really necessary to wish for success compared to the people (our friends) who are supposed to accept us for who we are? Perhaps, if we changed our mindset we would be happier by comparing less. I'm not saying this is easy, but shouldn't we at least try? I think being aware of it is the first step.

My friend Ashlyn has the cutest wardrobe. I am talking designer, matching, put together, fashionable items. There are days that her hair is perfectly curled while mine is airdrying with the windows down on the way to work (don't pretend you haven't tried that move - and if you haven't? You so should!). Her shoes match her her clothes perfectly, while I am sometimes hoping that I am not wearing one black and one navy. (Okay, I'm not that bad, but just go with me). I will never be completely satisfied with my wardrobe if I compare myself to Ashlyn. Yes, I could try waking up 15 minutes earlier.. but lets be honest. But really, she doesn't care what I am wearing, and neither does my predominately male team. If I don't compare, my happiness goes up. (Or better yet, take myself on a shopping spree!)

Same thing goes for non-material situations. There was a day in HighSchool that I told my mom I was worried I wouldn't get into college. This wasn't because I was "dumb". I was in all honors classes. My problem was that I was comparing myself to students who were also overachievers and found myself mediocre in comparison. Compare less, study harder, and I would be just fine.

How many other times do I compare my work to the work of coworkers? Or compare my apartment to the apartment of my friend's? How can I turn all of this external focus inward and actually improve the one that matters?
1. Awareness. Okay, I am done taking notes from Wilson. Do we even know what that guy looks like anyways?
2. Water your own grass. Focus on my "yard" or wardrobe or work and stop caring about others. When noticing that focus changes, change it back
3. Focus on your strengths. My body type couldn't pull off half the stuff Ashlyn wears anyways!
4. Don't knock other's down. Why wish your friends made less than you? Shouldn't you be secure enough to want others to succeed as well?
5. I really want a 5th - any suggestions?

The New Approach: Enter into the world of realistic shopping

"Window Shopping". We are all guilty of doing it. Sure its fine to go shopping and not buy anything, but how often do we find something that we simply CAN'T live without and make it our personal mission to buy it? We justify it and reason why we deserve or need it (I mean, I could wear it out at night and during the day... it completely makes an outfit.... I will bring my lunch to work for a week) or just chalk it up to a "impulsive buy" and purchase our good. (in my case? it tends to be shoes.. but everyone has their vice)

The other problem with unrealistic shopping is increased expectations. It's the same thing we have been doing to ourselves since we were in middle school. We would hang posters on our walls from Teen People of amazingly built actors and drool over the abercombie bag models.We then go to school the next day and hit with the realization that boys in middle school are not much more than "scrawny" at that age.

If you spend all day staring at Michael Kors, your DSW and Payless shoes are going to much less of an appeal. Why look at $4000 apartments "just for fun" only to make your 600 sq foot mini-place feel even more subpar.

This is probably a harder task than it seems, but I have to admit, realistic shopping might just have its perks. Be happy with what you have and don't always want that beautiful pair of stilettos in the window....

Help! I'm binge shopping!

Retail therapy. We have all heard it and most of us have participated it in. (If you haven't, please shoot me a comment as you are my new idol) It really works too. Sometimes it starts small (that extra lip gloss at the checkout counter) and then grows into more (running next store for some new shoes).

If we have a good day? We reward ourselves with some shoes- or whatever your vice is. If we have a bad day? we make ourselves feel better the same way. Neither of these will help us have a good day when our credit card bill comes in.... or out checking account drops to single didgets.

So the question comes. What do we do now?
(1) Acceptance. The first step in any problem is admitting it. Should be easy, most of us are pretty guilty.
(2) Find your trigger. Try to remember times you have been binge shopping and remember what events or emotions triggered the shopping spree. A break up? A hot new date? A bad day at work? and the next time those events or emotions come up try to catch yourself going to the mall.
(3) Catch yourself in the act. Shocked that you just spent $100 at Banana Republic when you didn't even need anything to begin with? Don't walk into the next store! Go home. Or better yet? catch yourself before you get the the cashregister. (sure you can always return things, but that's just easier said than done!)
(4) Find other ways to reward or cheer yourself up. Whether its working out, spending time with friends, or laying out by the pool (it is summer right?) If you feel you MUST spend money- splurge on some ice cream with a girlfriend. $3 is much easier to squeeze into your budget than $300.

Yes, I know.. it is easier said than done. Is there anyone else who wants to join my support group?

The Boyfriend Fund

I had a serious boyfirend in college. We broke up. I had left my stylish, although uncomfortable stiletto boots in his car days earlier. (No, I did not walk around barefoot, I had flipflops) True to breakup form I could not see him to get the shoes back, so I instead discovered retail therapy. I DO NOT reccomend this to anyone. I am a believer in budgets and this is not in anyone's budget. (although if you see a break up in your future, it wouldn't hurt to add that line in a few months prior)

What I did realize over the next few months was actually the amount of money I saved. Think about it. Birthdays, aniversaries, christmas, new years, that new dress for date night, random presents, valentines day, etc. I decided that if I wasn't spending that money on him, I should spend it (or some of it) on me. Just because I didn't have a boyfriend didn't mean that I didn't deserve to be spoiled from time to time.

According to the National Retail Federation the average American spends $103.00 on valentines day. ($14.1 billion dollars for the entire nation) For those of you who are in a relationship? I hope you start planning RIGHT NOW to save this kind of money for that big day. For the rest of us? I don't need to spend $100, but surely I can treat myself to a $30 massage and a cocktail with my best single girl friends.

For those of you singles out there wearing black and sitting in self pity- Get up. Treat yourself to something- maybe buy yourself some jewlery? (you will probably like it better than that 6 foot stuffed animal in the long run anyways) and celebrate the extra savings in your bank account!