Lessons Learned in a Decade of Dating and Driving

DISCLAIMER: This blog post is abnormal. It will not help you save money, or learn to invest, or manage your time/life. It is simply for fun.... but hey, we need to have fun sometimes too right!?

So here I am, driving my car after picking it up from the shop.. and it dawned on me. I have been driving for nearly ten years. TEN. Coincidentally, I have also been dating for nearly ten years. (I am pretty sure the correlation between the two is similar for most people- making it not such a coincidence) But let's be honest, have I learned anything in a decade of dating and driving? (I am not so sure, but here is my attempt)

Lessons Learned in a Decade of Dating and Driving


(1) The name of the game is figuring out the warning signs - and as early as possible. The quicker you learn to realize potentially negative situations (whether its a reckless driver on the road or a boy in a "band" the better)
(2) Sometimes, it really actually IS better to take things slow. (like speed bumps...)
(3) If you are really angry or in a bad mood, you probably shouldn't date OR drive.
(4) There are going to be times when it really isn't your fault. (Why don't they make insurance for dating?)
(5) When it is your fault? It might just be better to admit it.
(6) Half the battle if finding the time & effort to do the maintenance. (Sometimes relationships need more maintenance than an oil change every 3 months.. but that's besides the point)
(7) It is important to know when it is worth trying to fix it, or when you just need to upgrade to a better version.
(8) Both are expensive. Better save up. (ahh, there is alittle finance hidden in this post)
(9) If there is a stop sign? you probably should stop
(10) There is going to be "Shit that happens". (Your A/C deciding to stop on a July afternoon) And yet? We keep driving and dating. The good must outweigh the "shit".
(11) Sometimes its fun to take the scenic route. It might be worth the chance. (Why don't they make a GPS for dating?)

I am 100% sure that I came up with over 15 in the car. If you have any more to add please tell me and I'll add them (and cite my source of course!)

Good luck dating and driving out there - its a rough road. (But does it get easier with time?!)

Porches get hit too

I think most 20-somethings know the feeling. The "I would look really great driving that car" feeling. The "I work hard and deserve a nice car" feeling. Why is there such an association with nice cars = success? (besides to obvious fact that you can't buy a nice car until you have plenty of money to throw into it?)

I would look great driving a Porsche Cayenne. That cute little cross-over. Probably a white exterior. Or perhaps a pearl? (Not that either colors are practical since I would have to also budget in a weekly car wash). I would ride in style and arrive in style. I mean, first impressions are everything right? It is amazing how we can justify material possessions. I'll give you a few of my own justifications:

• I work hard everyday, I can afford to treat myself to a luxury item
• I drive to work everyday. If I have to drive that much, I should enjoy the ride
• I mean, someday I'll have kids and have to have a "Mommy" car. I deserve this.
• A car doesn't go out of style as fast as a pair of shoes would
• But, (Insert Name Here) drives a Porche/Lexus/Beemer/Audi. I should too!
• It's an investment. (It's really not....)
• I can finance it....
• I live in Dallas - isn't a luxury car more of a need than a want here?
• If I had a nice car, I would take better care of it.

Pretty good, huh? (Tempted to stop writing this post and go get myself one instead). But I don't drive a Porsche Cayenne. I drive a 2004 Toyota Corolla. It a couple strips of ducktape on the front bumper from an "instance" a year ago. It has a post-factory radio system that the previous owner installed which is nearly impossible to use. It has shiny "rims" which lends itself to the name my coworkers have lovingly given the car, "Ghetto Whip". (Or just GW for short). So what keeps me in my little Toyota Corolla?

Porches get hit too. I just picked up GW from the shop today. This time it wasn't my fault (impressive, if you know my driving record). A tornado put soft-ball sized holes in my back windshield. When you think about it, the tornado doesn't care if I was driving a GW or driving a Porche. Weather doesn't discriminate. That 16-year-old texting? They don't avoid a Porche just because it cost more. Infact, someone might hit me just BECAUSE I drove a nice car. If I get side swiped in the parkinglot? That sucks. But it would suck way more if I drove a Cayenne. 

DON'T IMPULSE BUY anything that costs close to your salary.  Be happy with what you drive. Be happy that it gets you from point A to point B and even has working A/C. (If you do drive a nice car, be happy and don't take it for granted.) If you want to drive a nice car, then do it... but take into consideration what your budget will no longer allow as a result of an expensive car purchase.

Need more help with those justifications? Try these:

• Work hard everyday? Treat yourself to a $3 frozen yogurt instead.
• Need to improve your drive to work?  Download some music off iTunes
• Did you even remember the maintenance costs on that type of car?
• Oh yea, and you can't buy the "cheap" gas anymore.
• Want to invest? Buy a house. Or some mutual funds.
• What if I move to New York/Boston/Chicago and no longer even need a car?
• I would be terrified to leave my car in the garage... or park close to a store
• Easy target for criminals (No one messes with the Ghetto Whip)
• (Feel free to fill in your own)
• Most importantly? Porches get hit too.

Moral of the story? Love the one you're with. Car that is.

Two Girls, No Gas

It always happens on one of those nights. You know, the kind where you are ACTUALLY dead set on going to bed by 10? No. Matter. What. So I am laying on my couch at 10:15 (clearly not sleeping yet) and I get a phone call from an old friend, Erika, who is here on her internship.

She is stuck. Side of the interstate. No Gas.

I have never actually ran out of gas myself - but let's be honest, there have been a few close calls. So what do you do when you run out of gas?


(1) Call a friend - It doesn't help to call dad first if he is in another city. By then you could have some creeper pulled over on the side of the road just you and mr. creeper. This is one case where 2 is DEFINITELY better than 1.

(2) Evaluate the situation - Is there a gas station close by? Are you just going to call AAA? Does your insurance plan cover roadside assistance? (Ahhh this is what you should do to PREPARE for this situation. E) Are you in a safe place to fill up the gas yourself?  Erika and I decide that we are close to a gas station and capable of filling up her tank enough to get her to the gas station.

(3) Follow directions - Take a minute to figure out what you NEED to do. For example. to get the gas container to work there are several steps to setting up the funnel. It is probably just better to let the guy at the gas station screw the top on (you dont have to be THAT independent)

(4) Be wary of assistance - Help is good. and needed (especially after you fill up the tank and then find out that the battery is now dead since the lights were on while waiting for a friend to arrive). But make sure you judge their approach, have 911 handy. Look for their hand in their pocket. (not a good sign)

(5) Opposites don't always attract - this isn't about running out of gas, but handy advice. Turns out you cant jump an SUV with a small car. Keep that in mind. Find a car that matches in size.

(6) Follow through & Don't be a quitter- As a friend always always follow them to the gas station and make sure they make it home okay.

Additional Notes:
-Thank you dad for the heavy duty jumper cables. I came in clutch!
-Learn for Erika, don't run out of gas (my lesson is learned, dont find out the hard way!)
-Never say "I am going to bed by 10 no matter what". You end up posting in your blog at 12:30
-Why don't we all look like Megan Fox when we are fixing a car?
-Did you know that gas is clear!?
-How do you feel about giving money to the guys that help you? How much would you give? Is that appropriate?

Thus concluding another "Independent Girl" Story. Happy Driving to you all - go fill up your tank tomorrow.

Don't hate your commute, Embrace it!

I am pretty sure no one would argue that Oprah isn't a pretty smart lady (let's face it, she has the most successful talk show, her own magazine, extreme wealth, a good reputation, and definitely a household name). I would have said that she tends to speak more to our mother's generation. (Isn't it funny how suddenly you reach your twenties and your parent's generation isn't so dumb anymore?) BUT A great point that Oprah made on her show is that more people hate their commute than hate their jobs when it really comes down to it. Interesting, since most people I know aren't exactly ecstatic about working.

Does this apply to our generation? Absolutely. This applies to my friend who has to drive an hour north to go to grad classes 2 days a week. Or my coworkers who got assigned to a client 45 minutes away. This applies to all the people I know (and see) stuck on the interstate trying to make it to work by 8.

So what? Is the solution to move? Well, maybe, if you live in an apartment and feel like you would be happier closer to the office. But that can be a bit drastic (especially if you are only on a client for a few months, or commute a couple days a week). Maybe instead we should just learn to embrace the commute.

I was talking to my friend Emily who was less than thrilled about her drive when this idea came to me. We started brainstorming ideas to make her commute something to look forward to. Here are my ideas:

1. Connect with old friends. No, I am not saying that you should text and drive. But so many cars have hands free devices built in anyways that its a shame to waste good technology. Haven't you ever had a meal with a friend where 3 hours feels like only 10 minutes. Apply this concept to driving. Bam! You are at your destination!
2. Plan your day. This is such a good time to think about your to-do list. Figure out when you will be getting things done, and get prepared and mentally ready for the day.
3. Jam out to your favorite playlist. When else do you get to listen to your favorite songs? Sure maybe if you go for a run, but this gives you the same opportunity without the pain and suffering.
4. Learn something new. There are so many books on tape, why not learn something you've always wanted to learn? Maybe a new language? or just some new skill? Improve yourself and take the time for yourself to actually grow.
5. Relax. Really. Road rage is a state of mind. Instead of being frustrated in traffic, think of it as some extra time that you get to spend by yourself. You have no other obligations at the moment and can purely relax and spend some quality "ME" time!

Did this work for Emily? Yes. Does it work all the time? Eh, I'm sure it doesn't. But its worth a shot right?

Let me know if the theory works for you. What do you do to embrace your commute?

My car broke down on the highway- Now what!?

This is a true story. And this is a true picture of the car I was in that broke down on the highway friday night.

Thankfully I was not driving (yes, I was using the advice in the previous post and car-pooling to a sporting event) And thankfully I was with three other people when the car started smoking off the highway in a sketchy part of Dallas. But it got me thinking, would I know what to do by myself if the car broke down?

1. Pull off the highway. Even if it is a sketchy area, it is better to sit on the access road with the doors locked than risk getting hit by another car.

2. Make sure your cell is charged and have a roadside assistance in your contacts. If you are driving, any smart girl should have her cell phone charged. It is worth the investment to have car charger for long trips. Put the roadside assistance number in your phone RIGHT NOW. This is one of those things I always mean to do (like buy mace) but you never actually do until you need it. Then it is too late.

3. If you can't get off the highway? Stay in your car! There goes my dreams of standing by the car and having a dashing young gentleman pull over and change my tire. But (1) you are likely to get hit if you stand outside on the highway and your life is more important (2) calling roadside assistance or a friend is a safer bet. There are so many creeps out there and (3) he probably wasn't going to be that cute anyways.

4. Before abandoning your car, take all valuables. Valuables? Yes, this includes your insurance and registration. If someone steals your car (which I don't know how this is possible if it isn't working) you don't want them to have your car AND your registration.

Gas Stinks

One of the most painful money experiences is filling up a gas tank. You stand there and just watch your money disappear on the screen with every tick. Gas prices yesterday were $2.99 a gallon. My bill? I total of $40.32. (The meter reaches $4... thats a new nail polish, $6 a new eyeshadow, $10 a bottle of wine, $20 a new shirt, $30 a new pair of jeans, $40 those really cute new heels that I've been eying for weeks)  I am not sure why I find the need to stand outside in the cold winter and watch the numbers increase. I am aware that the quick fix to this problem would be to wait in the car, but the concept is still the same. Impractically, I could quit driving all together, but since that is not an option there are tips that we can all use to help us save money on gas.

1. Before getting into the car think: Do I really need to go there? Is there another 3 errands that you can run while you are out? Saturdays are notorious for running to grocery store, coming home, going to the mall, coming home, meeting friends for dinner, coming home.

2. Can I walk, bike, or roller blade there? (Yes, I have blades- they are a great workout, but I do not take them to the mall. No worries.) It is nice to get fresh air and alittle exercise, and I don't really NEED to drive two blocks to a friend's house.

3. Car-pool. Make friends AND you get to ride in the HOV lane. (sweet deal huh?)

4. Avoid rush hour and traffic. This eats away at your gas! I know it is not completely possible to avoid traffic, but make a friend drive to the next sporting event. I am going to attempt to tell the people at work that I need to leave at 4pm to avoid traffic. (Yeah right) But it is worth a shot!

5. Does that Chinese food place deliver for free? Let them pay for gas!


6. Don't speed. The faster you go, the more gas you waste per mile. (google that, I promise). Yes, this means that you have to actually leave your house on time. Maybe the goal to lower the amount spent on gas could actually benefit your life in all aspects!?

7. Keep your car in good shape. Make sure the gas cap fits (seriously? Take it to someone else to make sure the gas cap fits), get an oil change, don't slam on the breaks, or rev your engine, or street race of any kind for that matter. If you feel the need to race -  find a place with gokarts.

8. Call first. Macy's has a sale? Call and see if that cute cocktail dress is even in stock first.

Survival Guide: Getting your car towed and making it out alive

Last weekend I got my car towed.

Not that I ever want to relive that "oh-so-not-fabulous" moment, there are a few lessons that I feel obligated to share so you know what to do when it happens to you. (which it might. be ready.)

1. Don't panic that your car is stolen, it probably just got towed.
2. Call the the people on the towing sign before leaving the lot (actually, let's back up, read the towing sign BEFORE you park there.. you idiot)
3. Be prepared to wait in a very, very long line. Other people get their car towed too.
4. Bring a friend. Not just for the long late, but tow places always seem to be in the worst areas of town.
5. Always have an extra $200 in your bank account. Just in case. You never know when life will give you a little slap on the wrist and you never want to be caught with no backup fund.
6. Check your car out in detail when you get it from the lot (thank you policeman for the tip). Tow truck men drive like they are taking a pregnant lady to the hospital. There is a HUGE possibility that they might mess up your car too...
7. Be strong and forceful.
8. Ask for a damage report to fill out and make a copy. Funny how they don't tell you about this report until you have been debating for over two hours. (it is more work for them)
9. Threaten to call a lawyer. (or bring a friend who has a dad who is an attorney.. that's the best)
10. You will have plenty of time while waiting to practice what you want to say to them to convince them to pay for the damage (how is this even a question!?) and it doesn't hurt to have someone in line who knows things about cars to take a look at your car and tell you exactly what is wrong. (unless you are a car genius yourself, in which case, more power to you)
11. If all else fails.. bring on the tears.